It’s been awhile since I’ve had the time to even really think much about this blog (literally though, I had to reset my password just now..). My real life job got really busy, plus Adele’s new album came out, which rendered me pretty much emotionally crippled and non functional for a few weeks, so, you understand.

I could catch you up on everything that has happened in my life since the VMAs, but that would put all of us, including me, to sleep (and I took an Adderall this morning so that’s saying something) so instead I’m gonna go ahead and fill you in on the most important things that have happened since I last abused the internet with my non-sensical ramblings.

The Love of my Life, the Paris to my Nicole, Benjamin came to New York for a visit..

All you really need to know about this reunion is that our first stop was the DASH Store in SoHo to purchase matching beanies. We then proceeded to walk to Benny’s Burritos in the West Village while shouting “DASH DOLL REALNESS” at people on the street. The rest of that day was spent throwing shade, and reminiscing about simpler times, like the night we refer to as our “Ke$ha Night” where we concluded an evening puking bright pink vomit, thanks to the high class bottle of Peach flavored Andre Champagne we had consumed a few hours before. Aaaah, youth*

Basically the next few days were spent doing pretty much some sort of variation of that day’s activities. That is until Monday, which was Ben’s last night in town. Anyone who knows me (us) knows I (we) am (are) a total slut for any and all of the Real Housewives franchises, but Atlanta holds a special (ie: ratchet) place in my heart. Maybe it’s because I also grew up in the peach state, or maybe I just really appreciate some good old fashioned wig snatching, shade throwing, and tea spilling, either way I am an absolute hoe for RHOA.

So, most of these ladies, in addition to their “work” on the show, have other “business” ventures. You have such entrepreneurial endeavors as “She by Sheree” and Kandi’s music career (rip). Then you have NeNe Leakes, who you may remember from the iconic moment in history when she referred to Kim Zolciak-Biermann simply as “wig.” What is NeNe doing with her time these days you ask? Oh, you know, casually joining the cast of “Chicago” as Matron “Mama” Morton. So, what do two cultured divas do with a free Monday night in Manhattan? They obviously buy (overpriced) tickets, and pre game at a Blockheads down the street.

Let me just hit you with a few highlights from that evening..

• NeNe’s “When You’re Good to Mama” performance. Ya’ll I kid you not when I say I was brought to life by this performance, not because there was any real vocal talent involved, but mostly because I can clearly picture NeNe singing it to Greg in real life after he brings her a frozen daiquri poolside. Also a fun fact, I literally screamed “YASSS MISS LEAKES SNATCH MY DAMN WIG!” at the end of the performance.
• NeNe looking bored the rest of the show, and her reactions to things other cast members were doing. I want a set of emojis entirely made from her facial expressions during Chicago, and then I want said set of emojis tattooed on me, that’s how priceless they were.
• I am pretty sure the cast in it’s entirety was wasted, messy boots ya’ll, believe you me. Luckily, the people in the audience who had come to see an actual Broadway musical were all European tourists who didn’t know WTF was happening anyway, and Ben and I literally only came to see NeNe, so, it all worked out.

Flash forward to after the show, I hustled my ass to that stage door faster than I have done just about anything in my entire 25 years on the planet earth. My program was ready to be signed, my phone was ready to take selfies, my wig was ready to be snatched. So, NeNe comes out, and I #expose myself the minute she walks up to me, nervously (shouting) “I was the bitch that screamed ‘Yasss Miss Leakes snatch my damn wig!’ at the end of ‘When You’re Good to Mama..” She gives me her best “this white bitch” face and says “You tweeted that at me to, didn’t ya?” RIP me.

A fun fact about this #iconic photograph we took is that I am actually planning on having it commissioned as an oil painting at some point to hang in my home. After all, can you really describe it as anything but modern art? No, I didn’t think so. 

So there you have it, the most exciting thing to happen to me in 2015 (and maybe forever, I hear you get pretty attached to a baby if you have one, and apparently getting married is pretty cool, but I can promise it’ll at least be in the top 5 for the rest of my life). Also, I promise to update this bad boy more often, if I ever go radio silent again, go ahead an assume that I’ve fulfilled my dream of becoming a B-list celebrity, and I’m being hospitalized for “exhaustion” and/or “personal issues.”

*low standards and even lower budgets